The Cultured Girl

“A lady may attempt to begin the conversation with the most innocuous of icebreakers … In no case does she ask prying or personal questions. She may ask, ‘Are you from here in Topeka?’ as that question allows her new friend to share as much personal information as he or she cares to divulge. She does not, however, begin the conversation by asking, ‘Now, just how is it that you now Mary Jo and Hiram?’ (The guest, after all, may have been the doctor who cared for Hiram’s recently deceased father, in which case the lady may find herself and her fellow guest involved in an unhappy topic.) Similarly, a lady does not open the conversation by asking, ‘And just what is it you do for a living, Madison?’ as that question may imply that the lady considers her fellow guest’s job to the only interesting thing about his or her life. And in times of economic distress, it can be awkward for the guest who happens to be unhappily unemployed.”

— From A Lady at the Table: A Concise, Contemporary Guide to Table Manners, 2004