The Cultured Girl

Call me old-fashioned, but I am a firm believer in the thank-you note. Growing up in the South, I penned more notes of gratitude on monogrammed stationery than I can count. I have witnessed stunning examples of what NOT to do, including a card my mom once received that said little more than: “Thanks for the gift. It got here okay.”

In this day and age, an email or phone call will often suffice, such as when someone sends you an unexpected little happy in the mail or when a friend puts you up for the weekend, and for gifts that you receive in person, such as a bottle of wine at a housewarming party, an effusive acknowledgment at the moment will generally be enough. But other times, a handwritten note is still a must—namely, major milestones such as baby showers, graduations, charity events for which you solicited donations, and, of course, weddings. Particularly in the case of weddings , gift-givers have often shelled out for plane tickets, dresses, and other expenses. (One prominent bride in my hometown failed to fulfill her thank-you note obligation, and people are still gossiping about it five years later.)

But whether you’re dashing off an email or breaking out the stationery, here are the 4 elements of a great thank-you note:

• Open with an enthusiastic “thank you” that identifies the gift. Adjust accordingly to the size of the gift, e.g. “Thanks so much for the gift basket” or “I really cannot thank you enough for the $2,000 contribution.” (Try to avoid cliches like “It was sweet of you to think of us,” particularly if you sent someone a wedding invitation.)
• Make a specific reference to how the gift affected you or will affect you. Something as simple as “The colors in the tablecloth will look great with the rest of my kitchen stuff” works just fine. But more details can’t hurt. I recently received a charming thank-you note from an expectant mother that read: “Your timing was perfect—we had just finished a birth class where we learned in graphic detail what we’d gotten ourselves into, but one look at your present and we were instantly reminded how wonderful this is going to be.”
• Nod to the event itself. The thank-you note is also a good time to thank someone for coming to your wedding or share details about how you fared in the charity marathon.
• Close with a friendly remark. This is typically more generic but keeps the note from ending too abruptly, something like “I look forward to seeing you in October” or “Give my love to Alan and the kids.”