The Cultured Girl

Certain rules of good manners are timeless. But as society changes, tricky new etiquette questions emerge, particularly among fast-paced urban types. Thankfully, New York Magazine this week just published “The Urban Etiquette Handbook,” which could well be the definitive guide to modern manners. The extensive handbook offers matter-of-fact answers to touchy questions, such as what are the obligations after a one-night stand? (Answer: “If the tryst is at the other person’s place and you wish to depart, engage in light caressing and conversation for at least twenty minutes.”) It’s one of the more informative and entertaining pieces of service journalism I’ve read in months. A few excerpts:

“On the dating scene:
At what point in a flirtatious conversation should you mention you have a significant other?
If you have a suspicion that your conversation partner would take his clever remarks elsewhere if he knew you were officially off the market, then it’s only fair to release him to said market. Casually mention your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife in passing, but don’t belabor the point: No single person will miss that sign, and if he continues, it probably means he’s actually interested in having a conversation, but not one in which he’s battered over the head with reminders of his partnerlessness.

At the workplace:
Is it ever acceptable to talk to a stranger on an elevator?
If there are six or fewer people on the elevator, no. However, if the group is larger than six, you have achieved an Elevator Humor Quorum and someone must make a remark about the elevator’s lack of size or speed in order to relieve the tension created by standing in a tiny space with six or more strangers. If another member of the group makes the remark first, Elevator Humor Solidarity obligates you to chuckle mildly.

At the gym:
How much locker-room nudity is acceptable?
Nudity is allowable, nay, inevitable, while changing and during showers. Otherwise, if you’re holding something that could easily be used to cover your genitals, cover them.”