The Cultured Girl

Wedding season is upon us, which means our nation’s mail carriers will be saddled with save-the-date notices, shower invitations, and—at least from the cultured among us—RSVP cards. For some reason, the RSVP (shorthand for “répondez s’il vous plaît,” which means “respond please” in French) is an increasingly neglected courtesy. However, if a host requests an RSVP, it is rude not to comply. After all, the party-throwers could need to know anything from how many places to set at a seated dinner to how many fifths of vodka to buy. Some things to know:

• If the invitation says “RSVP” by a certain date, let the host know whether or not you will be attending as soon as possible and no later than the deadline.
• Use the preferred method to reply. If there is an enclosed card, mail it in. If there is a phone number, call it, despite the awkward phone conversation that might ensue. (If it is a wedding or shower invitation, this awkward phone call might be a good opportunity to ask where the couple is registered.)
• Unless the invitation is addressed to you and a guest, do not reply saying you will bring a guest. You’re expected to attend solo, unless you get clearance otherwise.
• If the invitation says “regrets only,” you only need to tell the host or hostess if you are NOT coming. Otherwise, they’ll assume you are, so show up.
• In the case of weddings and showers, even if your reply is “no,” you should still send the couple or guest of honor a gift.